I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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