He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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