I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
