They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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