I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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