Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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