I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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