Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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