it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
