This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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