Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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