Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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