I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you had me at cake vodka
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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