Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
