I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
