You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
