I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
barbara walters just said penis...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
