he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
