I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
