i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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