Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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