We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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