so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
