I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
