i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
