Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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