I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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