Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize