You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
