Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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