he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
