I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
