y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
