I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
