I bet he comes in French.
this will be a night to untag.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
