I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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