Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
