Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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