It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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