I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
