just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
