I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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