Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
50% drunk capacity currently
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
