Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
