I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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