i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
