there's paper in my vomit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
