how can u be prego again
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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