Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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