would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
