I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
