I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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