You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
