yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
