Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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