$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
