Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
