Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
