You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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