he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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