Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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