He kissed a someone with a penis
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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