I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
