Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
